As I busied myself around the house this morning I was thinking about how I wish I could go back and re-parent my 3 older children over again from when they were babies.
Not that I am or have been a "bad parent" but something comes with age and experience and I feel like I am in a better, wiser place with Avery than I was with the other three.
If I could go back and give myself some advice it would be:
1. Relax and don't listen to anyone (including your mother) who tries to give you parenting advice. They don't live in your shoes, they don't have to handle a baby that cries in the middle of the night or sooth a little one who has tummy troubles. No one else understands your baby like you do so trust the little vioce that lives inside of you....most likely it is right!
2. Hold your baby as much as you can. I remember being persuaded to let Alec "cry it out" to encourage him to sleep through the night and it just felt so wrong at the time. Sure, he learned to sleep through the night but did he think in his little head that mommy did not love him enough to come and comfort him? Breaks my heart. Now with Avery I have never let her cry in the night....in fact she is still sleeping in our room. I comfort her when she cries for me and pick her up quickly when she is scared, telling her quietly that it's ok....mommy is always right here. And you know what? She is so secure, sleeps through most nights and does not abuse the fact that mommy is close by with calling to me in the night. And I feel more relaxed, listening to her soft breathing in her bed close by. It's a win win situation for me!
3. Talk to your baby. I think when you have only 1 child it can feel a bit stange to "talk" through your day like a running commentary of what you are doing. But babies LOVE the sound of your voice, and they loved to be talked to. With all of my kids I have talked to them....alot! It's not "what" you are talking about but rather that you are engaging them......and they will surprise you with the way they engage you right back. :) I have been doing home daycare for 9 years and I can pick out the children who leave my house everyday and go back home to a quiet house with very little conversation. What a difference it is!
4. Turn off that TV....IPAD....Computer.....you get the idea. In a society where we are bombarded with technology we begin to feel like we "need" the next greatest gadget or technological advancement. But the truth is that parents have been parenting for generations without television, NetFlix, PVR, IPADS etc. Adam and I sort of had this figured out pretty early on and we would have monthly "electricity free" days when Alec was little. That meant no TV, computer time, IPODS etc. We even took it further to include not using the stove, lights or driving anywhere that would require gas consumption. The beginning of the day was always met with groans and resistence but as the day progressed with a breakfast cooked and served outside, games of basketball on the driveway and fnished up with board games we were always left feeling reconnected and rejuvinated. Our family is now officially 12 months "TV Free!" We cancelled ALL cable over a year ago and have never looked back. Yes, we still have a Friday Family Movie Night but everything is in moderation. And in a world where we are told that we NEED to be waching all these gabage reality shows in order to be relevant it feels good to just say NO! We choose to focus on our own family.....to spend our evenings connecting with our children, busy with reading, homework and loving each other.
5. Say NO more often! Parents today are faced with som many obligations...between work, kids extracirricular activities, and social obligations there is not enough time for what really matters...family. I used to worry if all of my kids weren't involved in an extra activity (swimming, soccer, baseball, gymnasics). Poor Alec, he tried ALL the activities and it wasn't until he was older that he found a sport he really liked.....and he found it all by himself. I think the tempatation is to try too hard. Now I try to limit each child to exploring one interest at a time. And I don't worry what the other mommies might think if I say that ones of my kids is currently not enrolled in any after school activity. Afterall, there is nothing wrong with just playing....riding your bike, throwing a ball, or climbing a tree in the park. There is much value in just being a kid!
So....if my children ever read back upon this blog when they are grown with children of their own my hope is that they will have the confidence to listen to their inner voices when they parent. Do what "feels" right and know that there is no right or wrong. :)
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